I feel at odds with myself. I am a big romantic. Huge. I create dreamy rom-com scenarios in my brain-folds on the reg, and often catch myself sighing when I stare beyond my subway car reflection daydreaming of days yet to come. I say at odds, because though I imagine Frou Frou’s hero is going to enter my life any day now, I at the same time, at this point in my life, am not entirely invested in all the online dating happenings (what up Tinder). I feel very aloof about it. My life is full, and the idea of making room seems a little unappealing (and rather selfish, no?), though at times fun. So, I am at odds.
On the one hand, I desperately would like to meet the kind of man of my standard, but on the other? I’m not particularly feeling up to swiping for our meet cute (it’s been three weeks and Tinder has been a roller coaster—an exhausting roller coaster). I’m not going out of my way entirely: a few swipes a day, sometimes juggling conversations with a variety of people, sometimes listening to crickets.
So naturally, I gravitate to reads like Spinster, to have the far more talented Kate Bolick articulate my sentiments on the subject.
When you’re single, you are often buried in time, your mouth and eyes and ears stuffed with it. You hate it, rail against it, do whatever you can to get rid of it—work too much, drink too much, sleep around, make unsuitable friends…
While I often feel ‘oh so busy’ there are plenty of moments, where yes, you feel fully and completely stuffed with time. And while perhaps my former (much younger) self can totally relate to the above, my present self is more like a semi-hibernating bear. I get rid of my time by watching a lot of Netflix, eating a lot of ice cream, taking naps, fostering my already existing great relationships, and of course unzipping my abs from time to time.
It would seem then, that true to form, I am a bloody contradiction. I sometimes want a hero and I sometimes feel I am too consumed with my full life (of eating and sleeping?!).
#awatchedpotneverboils #bringonthemeetcute #maybe #notsure