Sometimes you just need to pack it in, buy a plane ticket, and fly overseas with few plans.
Say what now?
Back in September, over chicken fingers at a local Jack Astor’s with newly purchased fall boots in HBC shopping bags at our feet, I had a passionate conversation with bestie about the sadness surrounding my life. I was sad because my birthday was around the corner and I didn’t want yet another year to pass with more of the same. Same job, same apartment, same city, same dating scene. Same, same, same. I shared with Sara my set-the-wheels-in-motion conversation with Emily the week prior and explained how I wanted to quit everything and go to Europe. I desperately wanted to shake things up. Make memories, meet family I have and haven’t met and learn my family’s history at the source. Simply go and have an adventure.
I felt sad and stuck and was so tired of feeling mildly depressed that when I bumped into Emily, I was more open and ready to respond to a question that had yet to be asked. And Emily asked, “If I gave you a million dollars, no strings, what would you do with it?”
My response? “Go to the Netherlands and write.”
“So go to the Netherlands and write. Go now.”
Granted there was a bit more to the conversation, the simplicity of the “So go…” was enough for me to shrug my shoulders and acquiesce.
Though I believe the seed to get my ass over to Holland was planted farther back than my meeting with Emily, I credit this small, but mighty conversation as being the catalyst that has gotten me to this point.
And so, with a belly full of tasty chicken fingers, I spoke my thoughts out loud to Sara who acted as my level-headed, practical sounding board to iron out some logistics. When do I make this happen? What do I do with my apartment? Do I quit my job? What about my stuff? Maybe I shouldn’t have bought so many pairs of boots (because I better start saving my monies)?! I was nervous and in a lot of angst. Overwhelmed with the possibility of going and the possibilities of what it meant if I did and fearful I was simply sharing a pipe dream I wouldn’t make happen. I sought her validation and thankfully received none. It was up to me, I needed to make this happen.
From that lunch in September up until now—two weeks exactly before I set sail—there have been some major tactical and emotional battles to climb and some seriously blessed and divine moments of clarity. All these insecurities, fears (and every other emotion under the sun, for that matter), and logistical plannings have pushed and pulled and twisted my insides and moulded my existence to get me onto a plane and out of Canada. I have made it happen.
I am forever grateful for all the support and love I have had over the course of the last nine months. Without it I wouldn’t be here: stressing about what to pack, worrying about what to do with my live-forever pet fish – small problems I can manage.
Dreaming of chicken fingers and pretending I have a million dollars.