I know I’m not alone when I respond (all too often) with ‘fine’ to the question, ‘how are you?’
Am I right?
I had a rough start to the week. It started with a tough therapy session early on. It was good in the way therapy can be good; connecting the dots, but it left me feeling a bit sad. This feeling spilled over for the rest of the day and all I really wanted to do was go home (from work) and process. I made for a cranky colleague the rest of the afternoon.
When I did finally get home, I was ever so tempted to watch a movie and zone out, but I didn’t. Instead, I went to YouTube, and on their homepage of video suggestions (catered to my tastes of course) was a TED Talk. I’ve since watched so many I can’t recall what it was about but it eventually lead me to Mel Robbins and her TEDxSF talk about ‘how to stop screwing yourself over’. Intriguing title, no?
The crux of her 20 minute Talk? How do you get what you want. And why don’t you have what you want. And lastly: how changing your life all comes down to the passive response of ‘fine’ and the ultimate damage it creates in your life.
My feeling sad Monday was in large part for feeling stuck and while I lack the vulnerability to fully divulge in what way I feel stuck on this blog, let’s just say I was… I am a stick-in-the-mud kind of stuck. But I tell myself I’m fine. By saying or thinking you’re fine, you don’t have to do anything about it. Mel hits the nail on the head with the true impact of what ‘fine’ really does for you. By thinking or saying you’re ‘fine’, you don’t have to take accountability—you don’t have to actually do anything about it, about your situation.
That thing that you want, I guarantee you, you’ve convinced yourself that you’re fine not having it.
She continues with how special each and every one of us is. In fact, the odds of you existing, essentially, are:
That’s four hundred trillion… or is it? I thought it was four hundred billion. Not sure if that’s even a number… or the same number? I digress. Regardless of the number, it’s large either way and Mel asks, how can you be fine if the odds are so very high for you to exist, to be here (on earth). You are amazing. And you should start treating yourself as such and therefore, fess up, be honest, and stop saying ‘fine’.
Have a listen.
I don’t know what came over me to do a TED Talk search, but I’m glad I did. It inspired me to stop feeling sorry for myself. To start listening to that inner voice; to feel guided in my video selections so that my choices would align with what I needed to hear in that moment.
I started to take action on a few things I’ve been putting off for months. One step closer to feeling more than fine.
Telling the truth and ignoring that inner snooze button.